For nearly forty years I suffered and was torn between the joy that my beloved and sweet mother had got me and the immense sorrow that, because of me, what she had asked of me had not been brought to fulfilment, even if she, our dear Mother, had assured me that she would have sent me an instrument to carry out all that she wished to give, as a gift, to her dear little children.
I was strongly seized by the fear of being deluded and, even now, this thought often torments me.
After many prayers and the encouragement of Mother I presented myself to you, father. I do not know if you still remember that first meeting.
I immediately felt welcomed and realized that you would understand me. However I confess that every time I intended to speak about the blessed Virgin Mary, when I was in front of you, I felt a force that prevented me from speaking and I was unable to say a word. Thus the fear of being deluded became stronger and stronger.
One day Mother said to me:
“My little one, speak! This is the instrument that Jesus has sent you in order to bring about what I asked of you ”.
“I am sorry Mother, you can see that I am unable to say a word…”.
“Do not be afraid, it is the rage of my enemy who wants to prevent your dear Mother from giving the gift to her dear children for the salvation of souls”.
I took courage and said to her:
“Listen, dear Mother, forgive my daring. If it is really you who want this, you who can do this, get him to question me: then it will be much easier for me to report simply all that you have asked”.
Trusting in the help of Mother, I calmed down and became serene, certain that She would have directed the things in such a way that it would have been you, Father, to question me. When, after having read my note books, you asked me what secret I had, I do not know if you noticed, I was very moved, felt a strength that was not mine and was able to speak easily. Thank you, dear Mother, how good and compliant you are!
A WELL-GROUNDED CREDIBILITY
Mystical events need to be evaluated with a sense of responsibility, without prejudicial attitudes either in a positive or negative sense.
First of all, it is necessary to bear in mind that liberty and unpredictability in divine action are characteristics which are well emphasized in the pages of the Bible. We cannot claim divine action to conform to our thought-patterns
In our case , precious elements on which to base the authenticity of the experience related are offered by the same person who lived out the experience.
First of all the account, when it is examined attentively, offers serious elements of credibility. The life, above all, of this Clare nun was of such a spiritual depth as to exclude with absolute certainty any suspect of deception and this without lowering the requirements made by the prudence, especially in such cases.
The fact that this event came to light after a period of forty years is not insignificant.
When the related event was silenced at its birth in such a dramatic way, the visionary waited in faith for the moment that Our Lady had foretold, without taking any initiative herself.
She could have taken advantage of the time during which she fulfilled the office of Abbess, a time that would have given her the possibility to act with a certain liberty, also to make use of the co-operation of an influential priest from a religious order, who thought very highly of her and to whom she herself applied several times for advice.
The priest too, who did his best to have the medal coined, even though he had followed her in her spiritual way for some years and received many confidences concerning her mystical experiences, did not suspect that she hid such a secret.
Only following an intervention that was in itself extraordinary did he ask her the question that she was waiting for and in this way an event of grace and suffering, not easy to understand, was brought to light.