Meanwhile my life was involved in a terrible turmoil. Temptations were my food night and day. Only God knows: just to the point of desperation. The devil took advantage of it to torment me in every way (…).
Indeed it seemed to me that for me there was nothing but the hell (…).
Forgive me, Father, for having reported all this, but I did so out of obedience to you. I assure you that I would have preferred to die and carry the whole into the depths of the grave.
Imagine the state of my soul! At certain moments the temptation was so strong that I felt I was damned: if so, what was the point of living? Alone, alone, without a word from anyone.
My poor heart cried out: ”Jesus and Mary where are you? Come to my aid ”, but I received no reply.
I clung to my faith, crying out with my heart: “Jesus, I trust and hope in you only, because I believe in your love for me. I know you love me, I don't doubt it. If you want, send me to the hell I deserve, I know, because of my sins. But I also know that your mercy is greater than all the sins of the world. But, if absurdly, you send me down there into the depths of hell, mind that you will remain in Paradise without your Mother because I live in her Immaculate Heart and I cannot be separated from her! She also would come with me”.
This last cry hurt His Divine Heart and with tenderness He said to me:
“My little one, whoever is with my Mother is with me. Take courage, don't fear , because it is just those who love me that I put to the trial”.
This had been like a ray of light for my poor heart, but it was only momentary.
A much greater trial awaited me.
One day, alone in my cell, I was about to go to bed when, without understanding how, I saw in front of me a young man, about fifteen years old.
I got frightened and tried to run away, but he placed himself at the door saying:
”Why so much fear? I am the angel of the Lord. I have seen your suffering and I come to comfort you. You upset me very much! Why so much suffering? Ask the Lord to free you from it!”
“If the Lord permits this, I do not reject suffering, because I want to do His will”.
“Be at peace, I shall speak on your behalf. I shall come again ”.
Saying this, he disappeared in a flash without me understanding in what direction.